Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
