Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
