Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How's work?
Spinning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
