We named our party play list daddy issues
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
