Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
