***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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