She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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