A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
