I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
