She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
