I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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