This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
