I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
