WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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