I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
