I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
