question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
