my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
