nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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