You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
