So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
