Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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