yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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