I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
