He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
that is very illegal...i love you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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