So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Text me some of your sweat
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
