just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
