In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
