I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
