I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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