i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sacagawea was the original milf.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
