This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
