i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
