yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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