I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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