I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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