i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
