party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
