The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
