I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
