Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
