i need an iv and a liver transplant
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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