Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
