the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
