So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
