Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
