The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
