I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would fuck him just for his dog
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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