Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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