shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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