I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
